Marriage Be Hard, for Everyone

Book Review: Marriage Be Hard

By: Kevin and Melissa Fredericks

IMU Rated: Very Relatable

I’ve been following KevOnStage and later MrsKevOnStage for years on my social media platforms. I’ve stayed engaged with them because I feel they are genuine in thoughts and actions with their followers. Kev and Liz both grew up churchy, something I also experienced although not to the extremes they discussed in this book. Kev’s “take me and my dad bod as I am” and Liz’s “classy cool” personalities have given me countless hours of fun on Viola’s internet. For these reasons, I did not hesitate to purchase their latest project, Marriage Be Hard. I also knew I would be listening to the audiobook and buying a hard copy. I felt affirmed in my decision when Kev said “butt” multiple times during the book in a way that is uniquely his.

From my own personal experience as a married person with 20 years in the game, I can say this book is full of stuff you need to know that nobody tells you and then you struggle with conflict for longer than necessary or give up all together. I respect Liz and Kev for being so vulnerable because it is not easy to discuss marriage missteps without worrying about what other people will say or feel about your situation. They kept it 100% real and I could relate to most of their experiences because I’m currently dealing with it or have had to deal with these things in my own marriage. Admitting that you don’t always get it right even when you know what you need to do is as real as it gets in this life.

My favorite part was the conversation about constantly shifting roles within your relationship. Having a husband who has an entrepreneurial spirit like Kev, I could totally relate to Liz’s feelings of needing to be the one with the stable job or situation and sometimes finding it difficult to know when to take the leap and go full out to support your spouse or when to be more reserved and make a safe decision. While I have come to peace with all the decisions I have made, I still struggle when a new situation arises that can shift our current roles. I felt seen in a way that my friends and family don’t always understand.

I loved their approach to discussing the 12 lessons in the book. They each explained their perspective and feelings on the examples they shared with each lesson. Then both admitted the assumptions they made about how the other person felt. They also acknowledged, at times, they thought their partner knew how they felt which created feelings of resentment. When you come at a situation with this viewpoint, you are defensive at the perceived slight and are reacting to this instead of allowing them to tell you exactly how they feel. Getting over this hurdle is just the tip of the iceberg, it’s the start. This alone was enough to have me sitting in stunned silence rethinking my entire relationship and all the unnecessary arguments I could have avoided if I had realized I needed to verbally tell my spouse how I felt.

I don’t want to put words in their mouths, but I feel confident they would agree with the statement that many marriages could be saved if discussions about marriage were more open, candid, and plentiful. I want to thank them for taking their years of hard-earned lessons and advice and putting them into a book that was easy to follow. For marriage to survive as an institution, we must encourage people to stop suffering in silence and for more people to be honest and create safe spaces for people to seek help. I will be purchasing this book for many newlyweds and couples in distress in the future.